Decisions

Decisions – that is what our daily life is filled with most of the time. It might be as simple as to decide whether to get up once the alarm goes off in the morning or it might be so important a decision like whether one has to join a job or opt for higher studies. Many a time, I have seen people (of course it includes me too!) committing two (too?) biggest mistakes while taking decisions. I have done it myself – at least one of them and atleast once in my life. And, I was about to do it again. There was a thing I had to decide over – something that had been pressing me for around a week or so. It did not let me concentrate on my research. I had almost done one of those two mistakes which people commonly make while taking decisions. But today suddenly, I realized what I was doing and stopped myself from doing the mistake. My mind became clear. And, I thought it was time again for me to sit down and pen my thoughts… And, here you go into my realm of thoughts…

The first mistake people make is that they let others take decisions for them. The second mistake they make is that they take the decisions first and then try to come up with satisfying logic to convince themselves that their decision is correct.

Having told that there are two big mistakes that people generally make, let me state them first. The first mistake people make is that they let others take decisions for them. The second mistake they make is that they take the decisions first and then try to come up with satisfying logic to convince themselves that their decision is correct. Both the mistakes are equally destructive – especially when the decision is crucial for one’s future.

At times, people come to me asking suggestions as to what they have to do. Typically, they would describe a situation and would expect me to decide what they should do under that situation in which they find themselves at that point of time (Most of them are people who had known me as a person who writes a lot of blogs that sound convincingly logical that they think that my decisions would always be right!). I generally would tell my suggestion and then add up saying that it was their life and that it would be wise to take suggestions from anyone including me but that the decision they take must be their own self. One should understand that their issues are best understood only by themselves and that the decisions can be proper only if they decide – as they are the ones who would be knowing the bigger picture of it (When I say bigger picture I mean that there might be different factors that might have to be considered while taking the decision and others might not be aware of all those factors). I remember a long time back my parents when they wanted to shift from the rented house that we were in into the university quarters, they took the decision by writing chits and asking me to pick one of them [I was a small kid then and they thought that God (in my form!!!) let them take the right decision. I still remember being both worried and happy to do that at that time. Worried – because I wanted to shift to the quarters as it was something new for me and I certainly did not want myself being the reason for not shifting should I pick out the chit that said we should not shift. And, happy - because it was me and not my sister who was given the once in a lifetime opportunity to pick out the chit!]. It was several years later that I thought about that incident and wondered how people could let their decisions taken not by logic but by pure chance. I would say that it is one of the biggest mistakes one could do.

Considering the second mistake, I would as usual try to elaborate with an incident. When I came to know of pre-marital sex affairs happening at the institutes I studied (both at the institute where I did my M.Tech and where I currently do my Ph.D, I understand that this is not so common but does exist), I thought I should write about my views on it in my blogspot. But, when I started to think of my views on it, I understood something. My views were largely biased as it had already been driven into my mind that it was wrong to have sex before marriage. And, as everyone would agree – in India – even talking about or using the word ‘sex’ is considered to be a taboo. Having been brought up under such an environment, I could not help fixing my view (that it is wrong to have pre-marital sexual affairs) first and then coming up with some logic to prove my view to be correct. So, I never wrote that post and probably would never write about it in future too (I feel that some things that are driven into one’s mind in childhood can never be changed). Most of the readers of my blog believe that my views on various issues are highly logical and true. It is because when I write about my views, I start with a clear mindset. I do not fix my conclusions first. I rather try to think about the issue through logical reasoning. The conclusion is the result of the logical discussion I have within myself on the issue. This holds good even when one takes decisions in their life. Decisions would be correct only when they are arrived at through logical reasoning. Trying to attach some reasoning to a blindly taken decision makes no sense.

“Mind” knows only logic. Further it can take inputs from the “heart” and can reason out if what the “heart” says is sensible. The “mind” does not have emotions. On the other hand, “heart” knows no common sense logic. It is largely driven by emotions.

Whenever humans are in the process of decision making, there usually are two things within them that actively participate. To differentiate the two, let me call them “the mind” and “the heart”. “Mind” knows only logic. Further it can take inputs from the “heart” and can reason out if what the “heart” says is sensible. The “mind” does not have emotions. On the other hand, “heart” knows no common sense logic. It is largely driven by emotions. Love, affection, hatred, jealousy and the like – these are what it knows.

To make myself clear, I have to give you a few examples. One fine Sunday morning, I had throat infection at its beginning stages. I took some ayurvedic medicine which usually cures it better than the antibiotic that the doctor prescribes (If you would like to try it out, just mail me. It really works well!). When it was lunch time I remembered that they give ice-cream in my mess on Sunday afternoons. Now, I had to take a decision on whether to eat the ice-cream or not. And, I obviously liked ice-creams very much. I thought for a moment. My “mind” advised me not to eat. My “heart” knew I loved it. It asked me not to worry but to eat as I was already taking the medicine. I let my “heart” take the decision. And, in the next two days, the throat infection worsened and in addition I got fever too (Of course, I could not eat ice-cream for the next two weeks). To give you another example, once I was down with some illness. And, it did not seem to be getting cured that easily. My mother was too worried. And, at that time some one told that a piece of cloth given to her probably months earlier had to be tied at the temple of a particular God and should not be kept at home. They suggested that it probably was the cause for my continued illness. Now, my mother let her “heart” take the decision. She wanted the cloth to be immediately tied at the temple. Unfortunately, the cloth was not found. My mother was getting worried and my father was getting angrier. Finally the cloth was somehow found and it was tied at the temple. In a few days, I began to recover from the illness and my mother believed that it had something to do with the cloth also. So, decisions based on “heart” might not just be wrong. But they might also be foolish. By now, you should certainly have understood what I mean by “mind” and “heart”.

“Those decisions taken by “heart” will many a time be wrong. Those decisions taken by the “mind” would always be right but not the best for the situation. Those decisions taken by the “mind” with inputs from the “heart” is what would always be the best.”

Immediately, if you jump to the conclusion that one should always let the “mind” take the decision, it is not really correct. To understand that, let us consider that a neighbour gives three pieces of a sweet to a mother whose kid likes the sweet so much. If the mother lets her “mind” make a decision, she would give one each to her husband and kid and would have the third one for herself. As I told earlier, the “mind” knows only logic and nothing else. But, if she were to let her “heart” decide, she would be giving one sweet to her husband and would give the rest two to her kid. Obviously, now we have a problem as to when to let the “mind” take the decision and when to let the “heart” take the decision. The solution is simple. Though the “mind” can think of just logic, it can analyze what the “heart” says and can come to a conclusion on whether what the heart says is sensible. It would be acceptable to the “mind” to give two pieces of the sweet to the kid. To put it in three simple statements, I would say: “Those decisions taken by “heart” will many a time be wrong . Those decisions taken by the “mind” would always be right but not the best for the situation. Those decisions taken by the “mind” with inputs from the “heart” is what would always be the best.”

Decisions make up life. Decide yourself how you would take decisions the next time you find yourselves at crossroads in your life.